Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
