Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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