either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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