I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
