That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
