Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
