sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
