Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
