i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
