final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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