Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
