She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
