just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
