I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Still dying that you shit outside
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
