Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
