Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
