somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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