forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You need a sexual gate keeper
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
