Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
