How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
