I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
