FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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