I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Text me some of your sweat
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