I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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