I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
