Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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