is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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