quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
