I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
