your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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