theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
