I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
