My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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