...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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