What a fucking waste of an outfit
thus making me awesome and them whores
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
