so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
