I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
