Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
