bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
