What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
