I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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