i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
