3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
