I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
