i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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