I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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