also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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