and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
