New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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