Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
