I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
