Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
