he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
